What If
by SNAddict
Summary: This is a tag to the episode "The Kids are Alright". After the episode ended, didn't you all wonder what Dean told Sam about Lisa and Ben? I know I did...and this is the conversation I thought would have occurred between the 2 brothers.


This is set after the episode "The Kids are Alright"

**What If**

Sam was sitting on the motel room bed when Dean came back from seeing Lisa. A pensive look crossed his face when he glanced at Sam and threw his car keys on the scarred wooden table. Sam knew that Dean wouldn't talk about it but he would still try to get him to open up about Ben.

"So, how did everything go with Lisa?"

"Um, fine."

Dean didn't want to talk about how much, even if just for a moment, he yearned for that "apple pie" life that he always accused Sam of wanting.

What if.....that was a question he couldn't help but wonder. What if...Ben was his? What if....he stayed with Lisa? It was no use playing the "what if" game. Like he had told Lisa, this wasn't his life....what was left of it anyway. In less than a year, he would die and go to hell. He couldn't (no wouldn't) put Lisa and Ben through that. It was bad enough that Sammy would be going through it.

Instead of pushing the issue, Sam just let it drop. Dean took off his jacket, sat on the bed and began unlacing his shoes. It had been a hell of a night (not a great choice of words but fitting) and all he wanted to do was take a hot shower and sleep. But he knew that sleep would not come to him that night.

"I'm going to go down to the diner and get us some dinner", Sam said. "Did you want to come?"

"Nah, Sammy, but get me some pie. You know I love me some pie!" Dean joked, trying to bring a semblance of normalcy to an otherwise crappy night.

When Dean got out of the shower, he could smell the burger and fries that Sam had brought back. He walked out of the small bathroom and saw that Sam had laid out the food on the wooden table. He smiled slightly when he saw the slice of apple pie.

They ate in silence for awhile and Sam was trying to figure out a way to get Dean to open up about everything that happened.

"So, Ben seemed to be ok after everything that happened."

"Yeah, he's a great kid". Dean's voice sounded wistful.

"Dean, you can have that someday too." Sam said. "We'll find a way to save you. What if we....?" Sam trailed off softly.

"Look, Sam, there is no 'what ifs' for me. I won't be rocking the white picket fence, with 2.5 kids and a 9-5 job". That's not my life and it never will be. The reality is, I have less than a year and I've accepted that".

Sam hated to hear the defeat in Dean's voice. Sam would do anything to save his brother. Dean would never admit it but Sam knew that he _did _want that life but didn't think that he deserved it. It was typical Dean, always believing that what he wanted didn't matter.

"If you want to talk....", Sam said hesitantly, knowing that he would probably get some smart ass remark. So he was surprised when Dean looked up at him and gave him a small smile.

"At first, it scared me when I thought that Ben could be mine". What did I know about being a father? We didn't exactly have a normal upbringing did we, Sammy?"

"That's the understatement of the year", Sam agreed.

"But, the more I thought about it...", Dean trailed off. Sam didn't say anything and waited for Dean to continue.

"The more I thought about it, the less scary it became and I actually thought that it would be kinda cool to be a dad. To have a part of me that continued on after I was gone."

"Dean....", Sam started. Sam knew that Dean didn't want to hear it but he was going to say it anyway. "Even though we didn't have the typical childhood that most kids had and we moved around alot, you were the one constant in my life. Even though you were my older brother, you raised me and took care of me like a parent would, like a _father_ would. So, don't you _dare_ say that you don't know how it is to be a father".

"Sam", Dean interrupted. Dean had that look on his face which meant that he was putting his walls up and wanted to stop the conversation. But Sam wouldn't let him interrupt. Dean needed to hear these things and Sam needed to be the one who told him.

"No, Dean. Being a father meant always making sure that I was safe, protected and had someone to tuck me in at night, to comfort me when I had a nightmare and who would always be by my side, no matter what. You did that and more".

Dean looked up into Sam's eyes and could tell that his brother meant every word he said. It did give him a small amount of comfort knowing that he did right by Sam.

"I'm glad that you felt that way growing up. All I wanted was for you to have a normal childhood. Or, as normal as I could make it", Dean said.

Not wanting to drag out the "chick-flick" moment any longer, Dean cleared his throat and got up from his chair.

"It's been a long day. I think I'm going to turn in."

Knowing that the conversation was over, Sam got up too and began to throw out the Styrofoam containers.

Sam was glad that Dean had at least made the effort to really listen to what Sam felt in his heart. All too often these days, whenever Sam would try to talk to Dean, he would shut him out or make some sort of joke to ease the tension. No matter what Dean may think of himself, Sam would not stop until his brother was saved and he got the life he deserved.

"I will find a way. No more 'what ifs', Dean. Only what is going to be", Sam whispered.


End file.
